Looking for a movie to watch, I ­noticed one I had forgotten about: First Reformed, starring Ethan Hawke as a lonely and depressed pastor of a small congregation in New York. 

The movie was released in 2017. I had seen it before and enjoyed it. ­Sierra and I decided to watch it. 

Whenever a movie involves church stuff, Sierra allows me the opportunity to rant and reflect about it. What was wrong? What was right? What would I do if faced with the same questions or situations?

First Reformed asks many hard questions. How should pastors offer care? How should we process guilt and shame? How do we care for ourselves as well as the people of our congregations? 

One question grabbed my attention the second time through. There is a scene where the pastor meets with a congregant who has just gotten released from jail for his actions in a ­climate-change protest. The congregant asks: “Can God forgive us for what we have done to this world?”

I have been pondering this question ever since rewatching the movie. The first answer that comes to mind is a resounding yes! Of course the all-loving God can and will forgive and redeem us. 

But then there’s another attack on innocence in Gaza, another ICE raid, another climate disaster. And the question rises again: Will God forgive us for what we have done to God’s creation? Will we be forgiven for sitting idle as our immigrant siblings are persecuted?

Each Sunday, my church gathers. We sing, pray and preach. Each song, prayer and sermon reminds us of the harm being done to the planet and to human beings and how we are called to respond. Yet, it is one thing to preach in our churches about our broken world and another to carry our crosses into that world.

What if forgiveness is tied to repentance? This was Dietrich ­Bonhoeffer’s idea in The Cost of Discipleship: We have a mandate to be disciples, to change our hearts and our actions, rather than to desire or accept cheap grace. 

Of all the forgiveness stories in the Bible, the one I come back to most often is the one of Jesus and Peter on the beach (John 21). After denying Jesus three times, Peter is called back to the community by Jesus’ invitation to show that he loves Jesus through his actions for others. 

To love Jesus is to feed and tend his sheep. This is the kind of grace that is given freely. And the evidence of that grace is found in how we live after receiving it. 

As Gaza starves and ICE acts unjustly toward immigrants — and as it seems the world is crumbling under our feet — we need grace. So much grace. Grace for the sins we have committed and the atrocities we have failed to stop. 

Will God forgive us? I hope so. But until we are certain, we must tend to Jesus’ sheep, our neighbors near and far. For it is only by living righteously that we have evidence of God’s grace and our response to it.