So long as women do not go cheap 

for power, please women more than men. 

Ask yourself: Will this satisfy 

a woman satisfied to bear a child? 

Will this disturb the sleep 

of a woman near to giving birth?

— “Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front,” Wendell Berry

After decades of living in the shadow of impending doom due to overpopulation, we have a new problem: underpopulation. 

In the past year, political and religious conservatives have picked up the alarm bells and rung them vigorously. I think they’re less interested in raising the birth rate than in rewarding homes that adhere to “traditional values.” 

Roger Severino from The Heritage Foundation put it this way, “It cannot be just babies at all costs, right? Babies aren’t commodities. It has to be in the context of family, which is marriage, work, stability, commitment.” 

Indeed, the last thing conservatives want is unwed mothers hanging out at the house with their kids, collecting a government paycheck.

Until now, I’ve interpreted the “stay home and have babies” messaging as yet another attempt to dictate others’ lives. I realize now I’ve been wrong. Behind all the rhetoric is fear.  

In a brand-new poll, NBC News spoke with 2,970 adults aged 18-29. They asked them, “Which of the following is important to your personal definition of success?” There were 13 total options (financial independence, emotional stability, owning your home), and each respondent could pick only three. The results reveal significantly different hopes and dreams between genders and across the political spectrum, particularly when it comes to children. 

Young women who voted for Donald Trump in 2024 ranked having children at No. 6 out of 13. Men who voted for Kamala Harris put kids several notches lower at 10. For women who voted for Harris, having kids was No. 12, almost dead last on the measuring stick for success. 

Here’s the surprise: Gen Z men who voted for Trump said having children was the No. 1 indicator of success. 

Number One.  

No wonder conservative voices have been insistent that women get married and bear children. I had thought they were on a little power kick, but no, I think they’re terrified. 

The thing they want most, children, is virtually unattainable . . . without a woman. 

For centuries, men could rely on ­females to be ready for childbearing, but for a while now, children are becoming less of a priority for women. Even conservative women put being mothers as No. 6 in the poll. 

I am sympathetic to their fear. I always desired to be a mother and would have gone to significant lengths to be a parent. The problem is, they are seriously misreading the room. 

I realize it is just one poll, but the results from NBC News are so striking that I think young men need to take notice: Having children didn’t even make the top 5 indicators of success for conservative women. Perhaps adding insult to injury, those same women ranked marriage at 9. 

Compare this with conservative men’s rankings of No. 1 for children and 4 for marriage, and it is obvious that the two are not on the same page.

What things were most important to define success for conservative women? 

Financial independence. Having a job or career you find fulfilling. Owning your own home. 

This poll does not indicate that women don’t want to be mothers in general, but it does suggest that children aren’t their life focus. Continuing to tell women to drop out of college, become financially dependent on their husband and have six kids (to get a National Medal of Motherhood!) is apparently pretty tone-deaf. 

I’m tempted to say everyone needs to compromise, but in truth, women hold the cards here: no womb, no kids. 

The conversation currently focuses on the female. Women should forgo a career. Women should have more children. Women should find a husband. I’m not sure this is the best plan anymore, at least not where fatherhood is concerned. 

Perhaps we need to change focus. Men need to find a wife. Men need to get a career (and then possibly abandon it if they are needed at home). Men need to help create a work-home balance that gives their wives independence and fulfillment, whether that’s as a stay-at-home mom or a CEO. 

I am encouraged to know that young men in America want to be husbands and fathers. I trust they’ll have the courage to do what it takes to create loving, healthy and happy homes.