Every Christian should have to sit in a pew next to someone he or she disagrees with. Not all the time, but sometimes. This is where growth happens. Each has something to learn and something to teach.

Members of Lancaster Mennonite Conference currently are sitting in pews, figuratively, with everyone else in Mennonite Church USA. If Lancaster leaves, all will be poorer. Lancas­ter’s people will be saying goodbye to pewmates who need them.

Those who hoped MC USA could emerge as a big-tent denomination are watching with regret as Lancaster Conference may be on the verge of ending a four-decade era of denominational membership. Lancaster has a history of independence — all the way up to 1971, when it became part of the Mennonite Church denominational structure — and even then there was little enthusiasm for the affiliation, wrote John L. Ruth in the 2001 conference history, The Earth Is the Lord’s.

Lancaster’s wariness was still evident in 2004 when it joined MC USA as a full member. The conference’s Bishop Board made clear where its members’ true loyalty belonged: Congregations would remain “first and foremost members of LMC,” and Lancaster Conference would continue to have “spiritual authority” over them.

Over the years, frustration grew over debates and actions within MC USA over the inclusion of people in same-sex relationships. The bishops’ current proposal calls for withdrawing from MC USA by the end of 2017.

Mennonites already have dozens of free-standing conferences. Would it necessarily be wrong for another to declare its independence? No. Some church splits have positive outcomes. They might put an end to conflicts that cannot seem to be resolved any other way. They free the contesting factions to pursue their distinctive visions. Unwinnable battles over beliefs and practices drag everyone down and drain energy from the church’s mission. If this is the situation, and if Lancaster can see no other solution, withdrawing from MC USA would be an understandable choice.

But we believe it would be better to stop fighting this battle. No one, either traditional or progressive, should try to force conformity on how to relate to gay and lesbian Christians in Mennonite churches. It is a battle no one can win. Convictions are too strong on both sides. MC USA includes a spectrum of beliefs on this question and other important matters. That is not going to change.

So why not consider the differing person in the pew — or the differing conference down the road — as a brother or sister to be loved and respected rather than a problem to be solved or an impurity to be purged? This question applies equally to everyone, no matter what they believe about sexuality.

Some MC USA conferences are doing significant work to help their members seek God’s truth and Christ’s unity in a time when division threatens. Central Plains Mennonite Conference is writing a covenant that centers its unity on shared spiritual practices. This is the kind of Spirit-led work that can happen when differences are channeled in a constructive direction but shuts down when relationships are broken.