Lessons from Jesus’ interaction with Martha and Mary

This article is about how I experience biblical hospitality expressed by God and fleshed out by Jesus. Our church, Roanoke (Ill.) Mennonite, now emphasizes “recognizing, affirming and utilizing gifts of the Spirit” regardless of gender, but it wasn’t always this way. I’ve been surprised by how much of a difference this has made to me. Now I feel little disconnect between my spiritual home and my church home, and for this I am thankful.

I had what I’d always thought of as a “Martha” week, and later I asked for discussion and feedback from people at my church, wondering who they felt more drawn toward, Martha or Mary. We had a lively discussion, and I was surprised to learn that some yearned to be Mary but felt obligated to be Martha. (See Luke:10:38-42.)

Later, when the pastoral team sat down to brainstorm a list of people whose characters fit the theme of “finding our spiritual home,” Mary, the sister of Martha and Lazarus, immediately came to my mind. I’d always thought of this story as a contrast between the doers and the be-ers, or between the task-structured and the contemplative sorts.

We can all relate to Martha in that there are times when duties overwhelm, and helping hands are scarce. However, my father always said that behind every action was a good reason, and then there was the real reason. Martha had good reason to complain to Jesus about Mary not helping her. But I question whether it was the real reason.

I thought of this story differently after taking a class on biblical interpretation. In the class, we were told how important it was to understand the culture of the people in the time the Bible was written. As this is a story of two women having a spiritual conversation with Jesus, we’ll take a look at how the Jewish culture viewed women.

In the Jewish patriarchal culture, women

• were restricted to roles of little or no
  authority,
• were not allowed to talk to strangers,
• were not allowed to hold property,
• were seen as property—first of their father’s, then their husband’s (Exodus 20 and 21); as such, a man could sell his daughter as a slave (Exodus 21:7).

The society determined their value:

• A child up to 5 years of age was worth five shekels if a boy and three shekels if a girl (Leviticus 27:6).
• Numbers 30 describes that a vow taken by a man is binding, but a vow taken by a woman can be nullified by her father, or later by her husband.
• Women’s value had much to do with their sexuality; they were valued for bearing children but blamed for being temptresses and held responsible for male temptation.
• The Hillel party of Pharisees allowed three grounds for a man to divorce his wife: if she burned his food, talked too loud or he found a more attractive woman. A woman could not divorce her husband.
• And last of my list but significant for our story today: Women were not encouraged to learn the Torah, and in many ways were discouraged because it was thought they could only learn it superficially.

This was the culture for women when Jesus entered the picture. There were cases where women were valued for who they were, but structures are important and say a lot about who we mean to be as a people.

I find it interesting that Jesus didn’t seek to modify the feminine role in Jewish culture but seemed to ignore it altogether and modeled a new way for men and women to relate to each other. Such a model speaks loudly to us and must have been shocking to both women and men of his culture and time.

• Here are a few examples of Jesus’ interaction with women:

• In Luke 7, Jesus is invited to the Pharisee Simon’s house because he thinks Jesus might just be the Messiah. During the meal, a woman, most likely a prostitute, washes Jesus’ feet with her tears, dries them with her hair, kisses his feet and massages his feet with ointment. This scenario would make us uncomfortable. In that culture, it was scandalous. Jesus treats her with respect and forgives her sins.
• In Luke 8, Jesus interacts with and heals a woman who has been “unclean” from bleeding for 12 years. By Jewish law, Jesus was made unclean because she had simply touched his robe. Jesus treats her with respect and blesses her.
• In John 4, Jesus engages in a significant spiritual discussion with an adulterous Samaritan woman. In that culture, there was only one reason a man would be talking to this woman—to arrange a sexual encounter. Jesus’ disciples were so shocked, they couldn’t even think how to ask the question. And then this woman tells the good news of her encounter with Jesus and thus becomes an evangelist to her community.
• In the story of the woman caught in adultery in John 8, Jesus focuses the attention on the men, which was a radical statement about equality.

In each case, Jesus treats women as people of equal value. He does not view them in terms of sexual temptation or gratification. He does not create new categories or rules specifically for them. He approaches them without flattery and does not patronize them. He sees responsible people who are in need of and fully capable of finding their own spiritual homes.

With this background in mind, the culture’s valuation of women vs. Jesus’ valuation, let’s go back to Luke’s account. Jesus was welcomed into the home by Martha. We know he loved Martha, Mary and Lazarus, and it seems he felt comfortable there. I assume he had other disciples with him, perhaps even some of the 72 that had returned in the beginning of chapter 10. Martha started to think about how she was going to feed everyone, but Mary, caught up in the wonderful teachings of Jesus, sat at his feet and listened, in the posture of a disciple.

Rather than think about what you would do in that situation, think of this story in a different way. Think of the culture of women at this time—Martha in the accepted role and Mary choosing a different one.

Isn’t it interesting that Martha went to Jesus and asked her Lord to restore Mary to the defined role of a woman in that culture? I wonder if she resented or was uncomfortable with Mary seeking this bold new territory even more than she wanted someone to help with the many tasks needed to feed a crowd?

The way Martha interrupted Jesus and talked to him tells me she felt comfortable, safe and sure of his friendship. You don’t complain to someone you are afraid of or in awe of. She said honestly and transparently, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to serve all alone?” Family systems theory tells us it is human nature that when someone within a system changes, even for the good, and starts to act out of a well-thought-out position and changes course, it has repercussions within that system.

There will be pushback because the act of one person “becoming a self” brings those in close contact up short, makes them uncomfortable. It calls for growth, and they try to get the changing person to come back. I think Martha was trying to enlist Jesus’ help in getting Mary to go back.

Jesus’ response was caring but not the one she was expecting and hoping for. Instead of sending Mary back to her familiar role, he invites Martha to realize what exactly it is that Mary has chosen and affirms it as a good and healthy choice. He said, “Martha, Martha! You are worried and upset about so many things. But only one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen what is best, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Jesus does his Jesus thing of turning things inside out and upside down. I think he is saying to Martha: “You are trying to be a good hostess and show me hospitality with food and care, but in the larger picture, Martha, I am the host and offer a different kind of feast, one of spiritual wholeness. Mary has chosen it; it is here for you to take part of also.” His radical hospitality is offered with respect and no coercion. It overrides all social, political or religious structures and is grounded in mercy and compassion.

Mary had boldly taken what was offered. She was soaking in this hospitality that serves up wholeness, and it would not be taken away from her. The offer is there for Martha also.

This story ends up being relevant to all—male and female, young and old—because we all face systems that seek to define us, seek to put us in categories and make up special rules for us. Voices telling us we’re too old, too young, too shy, too bold, make too many mistakes, are not smart enough, are the wrong color, are from the wrong country and so on. Perhaps we have feelings of helplessness when caught in a system we feel we cannot change, whether it’s family, work or community.

Let’s imitate Jesus, do what he did and turn it inside out and upside down. First, we need to find what is essential, the main course. Just a few verses preceding our story, we have an expert of the law asking Jesus what he must do to have eternal life. Jesus answers, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength and with all your mind. And love your neighbor as yourself.”

The essential is the first part. Everything else flows from that. You cannot be mature spiritually until you are mature emotionally. Learn to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind. Spend time at the feet of Jesus and let his way of dealing bring us wholeness. Let Jesus define who we are. From this essential relationship we can love our neighbors with the same radical hospitality that Jesus models over and over.

I wonder if this is a way to bring the Martha and Mary in us together instead of seeing them separate, as we tend to. First is the essential sitting at the feet of Jesus (the Mary), then the going out and serving (the Martha).

We are free to relate to people—all kinds of people—without trying either to fix them or be wary of them. Relationships are a lot more fun when we remember who is hosting the party.

This story was pivotal for me accepting new roles in church life. I have and will continue to let Jesus define me, and the only category I accept is that I am a beloved daughter of God, and the only special rule for me is the rule of love for God and neighbor. It is my “spiritual home.” Other voices compete, but it’s amazing how they become silent when I sit at the feet of Jesus. I am positive that promise is there for all God’s children.