When everyone else has written them off, Jesus seeks them out—the woman at the well who failed at multiple marriages, the man at the pool who repeatedly failed to get the timing right, the adulterous woman who failed at moral purity, even the doubting disciple who failed to believe. Jesus sought them all out and redeemed their failures. And he’ll do the same for us.

Failure is defined as “falling short of success of achievement in something expected, attempted, desired or approved.” And we’ve all been there.

The moment we are born, we are guaranteed to fail. Born sinful into a sinful world, we “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). Failure is common to all humankind.

Failure (real or perceived) is ugly. No one is immune; no one is a stranger to this harsh reality. We have tasted its bitterness; we have felt the pain it leaves behind.

Scripture deals openly with failure. The defects of those who have gone before us are not left out. King David, for example, committed adultery and had a man killed, yet God referred to him as “a man after my heart” (Acts 13:22).

Since failure is inevitable, it matters not how we fail but how we respond to failure. Failure itself doesn’t determine whether or not we bounce back from it. It is what we believe about the failure that makes the difference. For instance, do we believe the failure is permanent or temporary? “I always …” or “I never …” statements are an indication that you believe it’s permanent. However, a statement such as, “I didn’t do well in this particular situation,” points to a temporary setback.

Another belief pattern is universal vs. specific. If I scream at my children, a universal belief pattern will respond by saying, “I’m a terrible mother.” The failure becomes all encompassing. Or I could respond in a specific manner by concluding that I behaved poorly in that situation and move on.

Our identity: We are unified by our common weaknesses, failures, disappointments and inconsistencies. Yet while we are yet sinners (Romans 5:8), Jesus pursues us with a relentless and everlasting love.

God doesn’t label us “success” or “failure.” He calls each of us “my beloved.” God knows we will fail, when and at what. He could prevent it but doesn’t. What matters is that our view of God remain the same whether we succeed or fail.

God’s love is not dependent on our success. He can handle our failures, which by the way, do not take him by surprise. Jesus covered it all—even our failures—when he died on the cross and rose again.

Rather than wallowing in the fact that we fail, we can receive the grace of God and remember that he always delights in us. We do not love our own children any less when they fail, and God doesn’t love us any less when we fail.

We must realize that our identity does not come from our performance or from the approval of other people. Our identity comes from God. Spending time in his Word and listening to what he says about who we are will enable us to receive from our failures.
Redeeming our failures: When we look at our failure, it’s easy to become overwhelmed. We convince ourselves we’re useless to God and can’t do anything right.

Sometimes when we fail we may, as Adam and Eve did, point the finger. When things go wrong and our dreams die, we have a tendency to lash out at others. Blaming God seems to come naturally, too. But much like Job, when faced with shattered expectations, we have to learn to say, “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him” (Job 13:15 NIV).

But for our failures to be redeemed, we must allow God to use the experience to make us more like him and prepare us for whatever else he might call us to do. We can learn a great lesson about failure from King David. As he faced his sin with Bathsheba, he didn’t wallow in self-pity or blame himself. Instead, he went directly to God and confessed, asking for cleansing and renewal (Psalm 51). No excuses, no hiding, no lies.
Failure is no excuse for spiritual delinquency. Immerse yourself in God’s Word. Listen to truth until you get a new perspective.

Get a fresh vision. Get out of your pit, fill it back in, and then go do something to minister or help someone else. Failure will drag you down if you let it.

Expect good things: Centuries ago, John Chrysostom wrote, “The danger is not that we should fall … but that we should remain on the ground.” The prodigal son fell, but he also got back up. We are told that “he came to his senses” (Luke 15:17). Failure and its consequences often provide the wakeup call we need to get back on our feet.

When we fail, we should be eager to return home to Jesus because—thanks to the prodigal son—we know what to expect. We do not expect, “I told you so.” Neither do we expect to jump through hoops to prove we’re repentant. We can expect a party. The prodigal son may have been the Bible’s best example of the ultimate failure, yet his father threw him a party. We can expect the same from our Father.

Some of our failures may seem so embarrassing, shameful or humiliating that we want to bury them, forget they ever happened. But we can’t. There are too many fallen people along the way who can profit from what we’ve been through.

Our failures are redeemed when we share them with others. What we learn and gain in our own failing moments are meant to be shared one day with others who face similar kinds of failures.

God may even use our failure to work out his divine plans. Rahab, the prostitute, turned from her moral failure to God and ended up in the lineage of Jesus.

Robert E. Lee, Commander of the Confederate Army, said, “We failed, but in the good providence of God apparent failure often proves a blessing.” If the South had not failed in its mission, our country would not be what it is today.

Failure, therefore is often a matter of perspective. God’s definition of success and failure bears little resemblance to the world’s definition. God’s perspective on success and failure is based on our inner attitudes, not on outward results.

God is looking for people who will trust him. If we live by faith, relying on God’s strength instead of our own, we will never be failures in his eyes. We may lose a business contract to someone whose proposal is less than honest. But if we have done what God has asked of us, we have gained his approval.

Transforming moments: We can shrug off failure and learn nothing from it. Or we can allow God to turn it into a transformational moment. It’s up to us.

Failures are transformed—or not—depending on the state of our hearts. For good to come from our failure, it first must be named and consequences accepted. Repentance is the way of Jesus and, if necessary, must be proffered as well.

Learning from our failures requires that we take time to pause and reflect. Perhaps there are personal changes we need to make. Asking questions, such as the following, may help as well:

• Why did this failure occur?
• What did I do that may have contributed to this failure?
• Do I have a tendency to make poor decisions?
• Did I seek wise counsel beforehand?
• Do I depend on myself more than God?
• What can I learn from this failure that will help me in the future?

Turn your failure over to God in prayer, thanking him for the ways in which he redeems failure. Then move forward.

Tammy Darling lives in Three Springs, Pa.