Real Families

At this back-to-school time of year I’m reminded of how the most important lessons I learn in life are from my mother. Though I’m 56, and my mother is 86, she is still my best and far and away most likable teacher.

As we’ve watched mother age, she’s said over and over, “Life just keeps getting better.” We children and grandchildren look at each other in disbelief, thinking, She can’t be serious.

But she is serious. It’s abundantly manifest that Mother has learned the secret to a happy life. And for her, happiness isn’t merely the product of the good gifts that have come her way. She has actively cultivated practices that sustain her through enormous challenges.

A year ago, Mother suffered a stroke. While contending with debilitating weakness, Mother’s feisty spirit kicked in. As I reflect on the lessons I’ve learned from my mother, the practices that sustained her in earlier years have become even more marked during her year long fight to regain mobility.

Caring for bodies. After years of bathing, clothing and feeding her eight children, canning shelves of peaches, pears, grape and tomato juice, and freezing carloads of corn, beans, applesauce and cider, Mother stays active. In her 70s and 80s, she worked out regularly at Curves, a women’s fitness club. After the stroke has left her unable to sit up on her own, Mother now does hours of daily exercise, managing to regain enough mobility to get around with a walker. And by leaning on the counter with one arm, she prepares entire meals with the other, continuing to feed family and friends with delicious, homegrown produce.

Bible immersion. Mother loves to read the Bible. For many years, she has used a study version of the New International Version, reading the New Testament so often that her favorite Bible is falling apart. She refers to the study helps when she is perplexed by a passage. She frequently quotes texts or tells a Bible story when making an observation about life in her conversation with others. She says she reads the Bible not so much for information as a heart-to-heart encounter with God; it feeds her soul. She quotes Jesus saying, “You are made clean by the word I have spoken to you.”

Simplicity—more with less. There are no collector’s items or expensive furniture in evidence in Mother’s home. The walls are filled with memorabilia that tell the story of a life well lived rather than wealth displayed. The irony is that while there is no evidence of a lavish lifestyle, Mother has lavished love on countless people coming through her doors. Her home is constantly bustling, rich with stories, beautiful flowers, shared meals and splendid conversations. And she and Dad give away most of what they earn.

Storytelling. I can sit enthralled for hours, hearing Mother recount memories from the past or fascinating glimpses into people’s lives in the present. Mother is an amazingly attentive listener, asking good questions and drawing out the stories of people’s lives in ways that we love to respond to, and then weeks and months later, she will still recall the detail as she continues to inquire after our well-being.

Daily prayer. From little up, I heard Mother and Dad’s voices praying aloud in their bed as they prepared for sleep. During tough times, or in the midst of difficult transitions, Mother talks about drawing strength from prayer. She tells us all that she and Dad pray for us daily, continually bringing their children and grandchildren to God.

Reading good books. For many years, Mother has belonged to a women’s book club. I’ve been impressed with their choices of what to read together: not sentimentalized piety but books with starch and cultural verve, cutting-edge books that aren’t afraid to ask hard questions or crack open tidy assumptions.

Generosity of spirit. Warmth radiates from every pore of Mother’s being. Her laughter and sparkle are contagious. Whether at market, at church or in her home, Mother makes connections. People love to be near her because she is so genuine. She manages to make it safe for people to be honest with their questions and in so doing draws people closer to Christ.

Gathering with God’s people. Mother loves to go to church and has gone every week as long as I can remember, with a rare exception when the whole family is home for Christmas or she is ill. The relationships she has cultivated over the years have become for her a wonderful community of friends. She thrives in the company of people devoted to the work of God’s kingdom.

Mother isn’t perfect. In fact, I can hear her voice in my head as she reads this, declaring loudly that it’s overdone. She’s keenly aware of her failures. Her transparency about her own struggles only makes her more disarming. We know she’s real. And that’s what makes her so lovable and such an exemplary teacher.