Sometimes a great sadness comes over me when I hear adoption stories that turn out wonderful.

Our family did not have such a story and there were many times my heart ached so much I thought it would break.

Our two adopted children came to us at five and six years old. Already they had experienced extreme sexual abuse and neglect.

Like all hopeful adoptive parents we thought a loving, stable home would help them heal, but sometimes the damage is so deep the healing takes a lifetime.

Our grandson came to us at 14 months because our daughter was unable to cope. We had custody of Gavin by the time he was three and now he is ten years old.

People have asked us, “How do you do it?”

It was very difficult in the beginning.

My husband Leo and I were both working fulltime jobs for the church and we both traveled quite a bit.

The first year Gavin was with us we did not have one trip that overlapped. Mennonite Central Committee, where I worked, had a family leave policy I was able to use and I cut my hours to part-time for three months, which really helped us adjust to parenting a baby again. I was very grateful for such a policy.

We were back to getting up at night when Gavin had night terrors. But we were in our fifties and therefore not able to bounce back like we did in our thirties with our children. We soon got into a routine.

We are more relaxed as parents this time and sometimes the line gets blurred between parent and grandparent.

There are times I wish I could spoil him and then send him home, wishing he could see being with his grandparents was a treat.

The reality is we are responsible for parenting him.

We love Gavin so much. He is growing up to be a fun-loving, humorous person. He has a wonderful imagination and comes up with such deep insights about life. He has kept us on our toes on school issues, technology, and what ten-year-olds are doing these days.

I have had to read the latest parenting books and use what I find helpful, no longer needing to parent according to a book. At this point in life I have a better idea of what is realistic.

It’s a fact that we are doing things we would not be doing if Gavin weren’t living with us.

We were blessed to experience with him, what he refers to as “the best time of his life” when we went to Hawaii and he learned to surf. His cuddles and kisses are things we will never tire of at the end of the day.

When I am tired and weary of running here and there I find such contentment in seeing Gavin laughing and joking. I find joy in the way he shows such love for his cat Rascal, who follows him around like a dog.

I love it when he takes empty boxes and makes a fort, a sword, a hat, a shield—we just never know what he’s going to make, except of course, usually a big mess.

We have been very fortunate that his school has been very supportive of us. We have received a lot of encouragement and support from his school. We also know we are not alone. AARP estimates there are 2.5 million grandparents raising their grandchildren in the United States.

Many grandparents are not aware of the support and resources available. The following website is a link to GrandFacts: State Fact Sheets for Grandparents:

At a time when our income is going down and we find ourselves raising a child, it is very difficult. We may need to work longer than we expected. Nevertheless, for me, the alternatives of foster care or any other care outside the family is not acceptable. We are able to care for Gavin and we will do it because we love him and see him as a precious gift.

In August I was traveling and Gavin had his first swim meet. He placed first in the freestyle and breaststroke. My husband sent me a picture of him holding his two ribbons and the smile on his face said it all.

He is a healthy, happy kid who enjoys life and loves his Nana and Papa.

What more could I ask for as a grandparent?

Photo: Iris De Leon-Hartshorn, her husband Leo and grandson Gavin hike Multnomah Falls.