Lorraine wrote the conservative column in our school newspaper, wore a cap at our graduation that said “I survived college without becoming a liberal,” and has young Republican and Ben Carson stickers all over her laptop.

I, on the other hand, wrote the left-leaning social justice column for Hesston (Kansas) College’s student news site; can frequently be found at events like the Women’s March, peace vigils, and anti-deportation protests; and proudly tote my favorite bumper sticker “Jesus Loves Feminists.”

Ideologically, Lorraine and I are seemingly as different as night and day, but over the course of our semester as roommates at the Washington Community Scholars Center -a program of Eastern Mennonite University (Harrisonburg, Virginia) in which students live together in a group home while working at professional internships in Washington D.C.-both of us gained a better sense of how a conservative chick and liberal lady use their gifts to try to build the kingdom of heaven here on earth.

Though very different politically and theologically, both of us are committed to faithfully responding to Jesus’ call to help others.

Division and polarization within the church, the nation and our world is a hot-button topic, and one that I certainly don’t have a quick fix to as there are real harms that can’t be solved simply through relationships or conversation.

We should not further perpetuate these realities in our personal lives by isolating ourselves in a bubble with people who only share our opinions or labeling anyone who differs from us as backward, narrow-minded or ignorant. When engaging with people who hold differing opinions, it can be easy to want to try and pull out the speck while we still have the log in our eye.

The problem does not always lie in our differences, but often in our inability to appreciate how our differences make us better. In an interview with Krista Tippett , Alain De Botton noted that one of the greatest insults we can hurl at another person is wanting to change them, not accepting people as they are. Love does not call people to change, but as De Botton puts it, “love is the benevolent process whereby two people try to teach each other how to become the best versions of themselves.”

Being the best versions of ourselves is what I think God calls us to as well. Through the gifts of the spirit, God has given us all unique abilities to bring peace, justice, and healing to this world. God simply calls us to love Her and love other people and the rest we get to discern ourselves.

For Lorraine and I, teaching each other to become the best versions of ourselves translated to conversations that prompted empathy from across the aisle. Conversations that began with “Elisabeth, can you explain to me why you’re against the death penalty?” Or “ Lorraine, can you help me understand why most conservatives do not see the benefits of universal health care?”

Lorraine and I almost never came to an agreement on anything, but we almost always reached an understanding. I frequently wanted our government to take care of the vulnerable in our society and Lorraine wanted more people, churches, and community to take that responsibility up themselves. The means was rarely congruent, but the goal was often the same: a world where people have their basic needs met.

Conversations that began with humility and a genuine curiosity to know how someone sees the world proved fruitful, but practicing intellectual hospitality and a better understanding of one another were not the only gifts we received in our friendship.

Both of us had the privilege of seeing Jesus in one another. When conflict would arise in our house, Lorraine would pray for healing and answers for those involved, while I would often seek reconciliation and attempt mediation.

Spiritually, I believe that it’s important that we learn to see the value of variance. Or perhaps even adopting the Quaker understanding of variance as the work of the Holy Spirit. It’s possible that the Spirit is working in the conservative person creating quilts for the Mennonite relief sale just as the Spirit is working in the liberal person creating a community garden and vice versa.

Conflict is inevitable, but it’s how we choose to respond to conflict that matters: whether we allow it to build or break our relationships. In some circumstances, conflict from differing ideologies can be toxic and as John Paul Lederach noted, there can be blessing in separation.

For most of us in our daily lives, though, we could stand to reach out to that person we disagree with and build a relationship. Learning to love people despite what they may think or do is what makes love unconditional, and the only thing we have to lose is the potential for a great friendship.

Elisabeth Wilder lives in Harrisonburg, Virginia, and is studying at Eastern Mennonite University. You can usually find her with a cup of coffee in her hand and her trusty planner by her side as she goes between classes, meetings, and other campus activities.