I’ve always thought that gift giving was one of my “love languages”, that is, until I started thinking of how cultural expectations are tied to gift giving in different contexts. Then, I thought to myself, maybe it isn’t my love language, maybe it’s simply part of how my culture communicates.

In the United States and Canada, gift giving is often associated with consumerism, unnecessary expenditures, special occasions, close family and friends, etc.; and in Mennonite circles, it can also hold a connotation of being “indulgent.” Therefore, there are traditions around the holidays, such as the Mennonite Central Committee giving guide, that encourage people to choose to give a “gift” such as a goat for a family in need or a bag of rice for a farm to seed. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, the concept is beautiful and definitely altruistic. There is no doubt in my mind that it fits the spirit of Christmas: generous giving that is also a “feel-good” deed for the broader collective, especially if you have some extra money to spare. However, if this is all you do and you completely forsake the aspect of gift giving to those around you, you might actually be missing out. 

Gift giving is more than a modern trend devised to trick people to spend money they don’t have on useless things they don’t need (although it can definitely be or turn into that). Gift giving in some cultures and traditions goes back thousands of years. Matthew 2:11 mentions the Magi visiting “the child [Jesus] with his mother . . .  and present[ing] him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.” These were complete and utter strangers bringing precious gifts to a child; how would that look in today’s society?

In my own culture, gift giving is expected in a number of social and relational situations. Oddly enough, it isn’t often talked about as a burden. The hope is to communicate the love, importance, care and thoughtfulness the person receiving the gift inspires in the giver. The receiver of the gift is expected to receive it with little to no pushback, as doing so would signify a rejection of the appreciation shown towards them. So, gift giving can be a way to allow others to show love and appreciation for us, and for us to practice receiving love and appreciation. It can be a way to strengthen family, community and other relationship ties, as well as to engage in thoughtful, millennia-old traditions.

Here are five different ways you can approach gift giving this Christmas, if you would like to incorporate them into your celebrations in a more thoughtful manner.

1. Set a spending limit

Often I have found that this culture  does gift giving way over the top, and I can see why there is then a movement towards correcting that. But can there be an overcorrection? That happens when we go too far, and we then exaggerate in our response as well. I have been to Christmas celebrations where there are no gifts and barely any games. It feels like the joy and the appreciation is taken out of the equation. Since this only happens once a year, have a chat with those with whom you’ll be celebrating about setting a spending limit that works for everyone. Remember, the point is to show others our love and appreciation, not our wallet’s power.

2. Gift exchange and wishlists

Something that has brought a lot of joy to my family as it has expanded with in-laws and other extended family members over the holidays, is not having the pressure to give everyone a gift. Instead, we do a name draw and then folks share a wishlist of items within the spending limit. This has helped folks get familiar with others’ interests and wishes, as well as make it much more economical and intimate rather than generic or the feeling that you are spending money on something they may not end up wanting.

3. Thrifted gifts

I was at a wedding a couple of years ago where the couple shared their wishlist and stated that they would be fine getting thrifted gifts. I was very happy to see that. At the time, I was actually working at a thrift store, and I had seen the excess of things that came through the store firsthand. Many items come still in the original package, with no damage. I think that normalizing giving secondhand can be beneficial not just to our pockets, but also to our planet. It allows us to give more freely by not contributing to the demand that calls for the fabrication of new products in the supply chain.

4. Fair trade items

Unfortunately for my Canadian friends and I, acquiring Ten Thousand Villages store items, which are fair trade, is not as easy as it used to be. Nevertheless, in the United States one can still shop in person or online the many excellent items this store has for sale. Despite the gifts being in a higher price range, you can rest assured that you would also not be contributing to the same capitalist market and that your purchase makes a difference for those who worked at producing the goods.

5. Give an experience

I have heard from a couple of grandmas at church that they like giving “experiences” as gifts. These come in the form of trips to their grandchildren or days at the spa for their kids while the grandmas babysit the grandkids. You can also choose activities to do together, like going to the ballet, a ceramics class or a concert. You are essentially giving a gift of time and experiencing something alongside that special person.