Preventing homelessness before it starts

Carol could never catch up financially. Before she could pay for rent, food and child care, her purse was empty. As we became friends, I often found her staring into an empty refrigerator and crying over her broken marriage. Although she was a teacher, she didn’t manage money well and was too devastated by her divorce to care.

She taught summer school, but when it was over in July, she couldn’t find a temporary job that coordinated with child care and bus schedules.

I tried to help. I paid her to watch my children. I brought her food. I encouraged her to study for a state teaching credential test so she could get a job in a higher-paying public school. Beyond that, I was stumped. Then I read in the newspaper that single-parent families were the fastest-growing category among the homeless, and I realized Carol and her children were likely candidates. There are at least a half million homeless children today; some statistics suggest up to a million. How could I be concerned enough to write a check to a downtown mission but not enough to recognize a friend who soon could become a resident there? I had stereotyped the down-and-out person as someone living on Skid Row, but that’s not so.

Typical scenarios leading to homelessness include a family that can’t find affordable housing after its older building is torn down and a waitress goes on medical leave and can’t survive on sick pay without tips.

My friend Marguerite didn’t understand how desperate her neighbors were until someone bought their house at a foreclosure auction. “I remember the husband lost his job, but I never dreamed it was that bad,” she said.

The problem of homelessness can be so overwhelming we think only specialized organizations are equipped to deal with it. But a friend who works at Union Rescue Mission in Los Angeles told me she believes the church is the highway around Skid Row. “It’s that committed network of people who already know potentially homeless people who can help the most—before they get down here.” Here are some suggestions on how we can help:

Be a resource person. People with financial problems can get so discouraged that they aren’t good at digging up job training programs or subsidized child care. We can make some phone calls and search the Internet.

Ask friends if they know someone who’s selling a reliable used car or who rents inexpensive apartments. They may know about employers who offer child care, such as universities and hospitals. A needy person may not qualify for a professional job, but clerical and custodial help may be needed.

Ask potentially homeless friends to rethink their family options. Can an aunt or in-law move in and trade room and board for child care? Many times people in this situation are estranged from family members who would help if they knew there was a problem. Probe to see if they could patch things up with their families.

People who work regularly with the homeless can direct us to resources. Some churches publish their own classified ads or bulletin boards that feature used furniture, jobs and quality day care.

Here are some other ways you can bring hope to those feeling discouraged by their situation:

Be a friend. View this person as a peer instead of a “needy person.” On Carol’s birthday, my husband watched her children while I took her out for cheesecake. “I feel so special,” she whispered.

Validate them. Lack of self-esteem is a major problem. One way we can help is to point out this needy person’s good qualities. When I admired Carol’s tall, slim figure in her class picture, she looked shocked. Between the breakup of her marriage and her self doubts, she’d forgotten that anyone could think she was attractive.

Don’t expect miracles. Understand that some days a potentially homeless person may want to work on problems and other days feel hopeless. Carol studied for her credential test sporadically. I learned to praise her for her confident moments and walk with her through the discouraging ones.

Find support. A family’s personal and medical problems may be more than you can handle. Shelters and self-help groups for alcoholics, spouses of alcoholics and battered women are often listed in the telephone book. Some missions offer free clinics. Some churches offer free counseling.

Share your faith. Since Carol already knew the Lord, I tried to remind her that God loved her without giving her pat answers.

Helping others doesn’t have to drain you; it can help you. After talking to Carol about how God always provides, I received a car insurance bill that had doubled. “We can never pay this,” I stormed. I rehearsed my words on myself.