About every two to three months, I get messages from a young woman or two wanting to become Mennonite or Amish. They’ve done no research and are looking for dress patterns or, as they call it, “Kapp” patterns.

Each time I’m a bit grieved because I know, in reality, nothing on the outside matters if the inside isn’t changed. I labor over how to answer them, knowing I was once in a similar position but with a lot more research under my belt.

A “plain” church or fellowship can be of no use if you aren’t fully informed about the culture that goes with it. There is more than putting on a long dress and white head covering — it’s about a daily walk with the Lord as well as an understanding of the people you walk alongside.

The new wears off, and it does become hard eventually. You’ll want a solid foundation with Jesus Christ.

This is a list of questions that pertain to the kingdom of God as well as entering a culture that I’ll be giving to my Amish-romance-novel-collecting friends to think on in the future.

• Do you use foul language?
• What type of books and movies do you watch?
• What is your relationship with your family like?
• Have you attended a plain fellowship? For how long?
• Have you been 100 percent open and honest with them about your walk with Christ?
• Do you have unconfessed sins?
• Are you nonresistant? Do you know what that means?
• Do you have a mentor?
• Are you ready to die?
• What does following Jesus look like to you?
• Have you developed relationships inside of the community that you are trying to fellowship with?
• Do you know what it means if I say there are two kingdoms and I am a citizen of one of them?
• Have you read a lot of Amish romance books and just like this lifestyle?
• Do you currently dress modestly to the best of your ability?
• What is your view on divorce and remarriage?
• What about same-sex romantic partnerships?
• Do you hate anyone?

These are questions to ask yourself — not to answer to impress me, but to determine if you are ready to truly go in this direction. I can help you to find the answers and to guide you in a real relationship as a follower of Jesus Christ and to help connect you to a community when you are truly and sincerely ready. Until then, pray and keep seeking the Lord.

Nicci Price is a member of the Covington, Ohio, district of the Old German Baptist Brethren Church, New Conference. She blogs at Pilgrim Nicci Journeying On, where this post first appeared.