Powerful feelings and reactions emerge when faith communities realize that a faith leader has harmed someone. Fortunately, most faith communities have leaders who care deeply for their followers and provide safe places of worship.

However, when any kind of abuse has occurred, immediate action must take place in order to bring about recovery and healing to protect the survivor(s). Then, and only then, can the difficult journey of healing begin for the individual(s) and the faith community.

Abuse occurs when someone attempts to take away the dignity and rights of a person who has less power by age, gender or position. The leader who is abusive may coerce or manipulate the victim to not tell anyone or even threaten the victim with more harm. The abusive behavior often follows various patterns, and the abuser may justify the abuse by quoting scripture or spiritual practices.

Sexual abuse has a frightening level of power and secrecy.

It occurs when a person in control misuses their power with verbal or physical behaviors to dominate and control another person with eroticism or sexuality. Regardless of the type of abuse, the harm done is unwarranted and devastating to the victim and faith community.

A faith community may mean well when responding to abuse in order to protect others.

Unfortunately, at times, those who do know about the abuse will try to minimize it or encourage secrecy. Out of anxiety, confusion or inexperience, they find themselves trying to manage the aftermath. At first, attempts to manage the trauma from abuse may sound reasonable—to avoid disrupting routine or to hold anxiety at bay.

However, when a faith community minimizes the abuse or creates further secrecy of any abuse in the effort to protect the victim, the leader’s offending cycle continues in that silence. A survivor needs privacy and protection, but the offender should not be further protected by minimizing or enabling the secrecy.

The delicate distinction between the abuser’s behavior and the survivor’s healing needs careful attention. First priority must be the safety and well-being of the survivor in order to initiate healing. As long as the abusive leader is guarded with secrecy, healing cannot occur.

Healing is different for everyone, and there should be no time limit or expectations.

A survivor should be free to choose the language, resources and space to heal. If a survivor is told or demanded to proceed in a certain way with healing, then the abuse cycle will continue. For example, a survivor chooses when and how to forgive, if at all. Forgiveness is an important task that most faith systems encourage. However, it cannot be forced outside of the survivor’s desire. Pushing a survivor to forgive quickly, when not ready, will repeat an abusive cycle. This is a typical tension that can develop in the healing process for the survivor and the faith community.

If you are a lay person responding to a survivor’s report of abuse, listen and encourage the person to find resources for help. It’s important to tell the person to take time to heal and to use healthy resources (therapy, healthy eating, exercise, and adequate sleep). You can provide transportation to appointments, pray with and for the persons, and advocate for their needs in healing. At some point, you may need to take a break from offering regular support, but make sure the survivor has other supports established. (Have this discussion with the survivor ahead of time especially if healing looks as if it may be a long journey. This explanation to the survivor is a healthy boundary for everyone as you share the caring task of nurturing one another.)

If, for whatever reason, you find yourself to be divided between the abusive leader and survivor, remove yourself from any helping role. A survivor needs clarity regarding safe relationships and boundaries since the abuser took that away. We should not confuse the boundaries any further even in our best interests to keep the faith community whole.

Healing includes many strong emotions and multiple stages, including a grief process. Survivors need a safe place where they can process what they are feeling and thinking without being blamed or doubted. Survivors may also need to work through spiritual healing. Reviving spiritual stability, faith in their God and trust in a faith community will also be a process. Regardless, the survivor determines the process, not the faith community.

For the Survivor

It’s not your fault
The abuse should not have occurred. The abuse is not your fault and it never will be. Even if you initiated some level of crossing a boundary, the leader who offended you should have set limits or boundaries.

Tell someone
If you have never told anyone, take courage to break the secrecy and tell someone. You may need to break the silence to bring justice to your spirit and possibly protect others from abuse.

Talk to a professional
Seek counsel first from a professional who has training and experience in healing for abuse—someone who listens and doesn’t blame. Generally, it’s best that this professional practice outside of your immediate faith community to offer an objective view. The professionals who can help are mental health professionals or even spiritual professionals who specialize in healing from abuse.

Begin the healing journey
Begin the courageous journey that can resurrect your faith system and healing. As a survivor of abuse in a faith system, you should feel in charge of your healing process. It’s okay to choose how and when you take steps for self-care.

Healing can include therapy, legal advice, and even changing faith systems whether that is joining another congregation in the same denomination or another faith. Only you can choose how you will continue your faith in relationship to God. Sometimes, survivors lose faith and question why their Creator did not protect them. Only you and God can negotiate this complex loss.

Be good to yourself
Find and access resources that support healing such as therapy, exercise, good sleep, medical care or spiritual counsel. Your life may feel turned upside down and you may feel very alone. Seek out others who can help you find that trust in yourself, others and your faith.

Learning to heal through the stages of victim to survivor and back to thriving should be done in your own time and safe places. There are many websites, reading materials and trained professionals to help you heal. It is okay to be good to yourself. Continue taking courage, and peace be with you.

Amy Hammer completed her bachelor’s degree at Youngstown State University in Ohio and worked during summers as program staff in the American Baptist Churches USA camps. Through her experiences she also took interest in developing material to guide others to thrive in their faith. Hammer completed her master’s degree in clinical social work at the University of Kansas. She has worked as a therapist at Prairie View Inc. for 12 years.