Teaching the kids in your life to have mercy

Now and then in quiet moments, we dream for our children and grandchildren, nieces and nephews. We wonder how we can help them become adults who know God and who build loving relationships. What will help them learn to offer cups of cold water to the thirsty? Can they set aside the pull of materialism to make a difference in the world God so loves?

Being intentional in daily life: Time pressure thwarts our efforts. What with doctor’s appointments, soccer games and homework obligations, we have to be intentional as we do the things families usually do.

For example, running errands is a typical family chore, but Sharon Norris, a teacher, developed a project for her boys and herself during summer vacation days. As they visited museums and ran errands, they often ran into folks holding signs that read, “Will work for food.”

In the mornings before they left, they packed three or four sandwiches. So instead of zooming past hungry folks, they stopped, talked and handed them a bag. (Another idea is to keep “basic bags” in your car to hand out: plastic bags filled with a toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, deodorant, shampoo, comb and a washcloth. Baby powder for sore, tired feet adds a special touch.)

Volunteering as a family: One of the best ways to help kids experience being the hands and feet of Christ in this world is volunteering with you, the parent, as a fun partner. By your example, you already show your children how to shop, relax and eat fast food—doesn’t it make sense that you would show them how to serve by serving alongside them?

Serving together gives families quality time to spend together. It relieves the guilt parents feel when they’re torn between serving others and spending time with family. If your kids are naturally shy, volunteering alongside you will help because you’re the adult in their life who provides them security.

That’s not to say that every organization knows what to do with an entire family. When I called the volunteer coordinator at a downtown shelter to volunteer my family, she was stunned by my request. We wanted to serve at a “neighborhood picnic” on the Fourth of July just after the Los Angeles riots.

“We’ve never had a whole family volunteer before,” she said. “This is so unusual. Your family can join the college group that’s coming.”

And we did. As anyone might guess, our 11- and 12-year-old children worked harder that day than they’ve ever worked in my kitchen. They cleaned up spills and cooperated with each other (gasp!) without one hint from Dad or me. I didn’t growl when they accidentally splashed red punch on our white shirts. The four of us worked side-by-side, listening to guests’ stories and holding undernourished, cooing babies. When one of us got tired, another filled in. After this introduction, my kids have continued to volunteer at nearby missions and enjoy it.

We always try to mix fun with service so we were planning to take them out for a treat. But something better happened. After serving the meal, we explored the crumbling walls of the mission. When we were ready to leave, the kitchen help sat our two kids on stools and gave them huge tubs of ice cream to enjoy. It was a memorable day in the life of our family.

But what can kids do? The main roadblock to family volunteerism is finding projects that are suitable for whole families. Consider these ideas:

Help with kids: Help a church in town that has a latchkey program or a summer “sidewalk Sunday school.” You and your kids can do simple things like serve refreshments. Or you can babysit at a transition home for new teenage mothers. (This can lead naturally to later discussions with children about the consequences of unwise sexual behavior.)

Serve a holiday dinner at a street mission. The simplicity and gratefulness at a holiday mission meal keeps our celebrations in perspective. If your kids are small, let them enjoy playing with kids from the mission’s neighborhood—this widens their world.

Bring a meal to a house-bound elderly person. You can do this through a program such as Meals-on-Wheels or by adopting a senior citizen in your church as a “grandparent.”

Do construction or maintenance outdoor projects. Join a group within your church that’s cleaning an elderly person’s yard. I found a Habitat for Humanity chapter that let us bring our kids who were then under 16.

Visit a nursing home. Prepare your children by telling them that the facility will have the funny smells of medicines and cleaning products. It will smell of urine because many of the people can’t control bodily functions. When they need help with the bathroom, the workers can’t get there fast enough. If people moan and reach out to touch them, it’s because they like children. Even though they may not understand what’s going on, they still need people to love them.
Pick out someone to talk to and get on their eye level so they don’t have to bend back in the wheelchair. Then introduce yourself and start a conversation that will include your children.

How to make family volunteering work. Find activities that are within the capabilities of all family members, especially if that will include preschoolers or grandparents. Or you may want to join another family in a project to make it more fun.

Pray with your children for the people you serve—maybe at meals or bedtime. Demonstrate to them that “being” (praying) and “doing” (serving) go hand in hand.

Look for opportunities that promote relationships. When you visit a nursing home, homeless shelter or soup kitchen, develop friendships.

Service means “doing with” more than “doing for. Serving side-by-side with children helps them gain self-confidence as they see that they can make a difference in this world. In fact, it’s difficult to know who is helped more: your kids or the folks to whom they’ve given their time.

Jan Johnson is a speaker and the author of Growing Compassionate Kids (Upper Room Books, 2001), www.janjohnson.org.