Growing up, i loved my church. I enjoyed the worship services. We had a thriving youth group. The congregation supported me through high school and most of college with scholarship money.
I loved this church and its people. They formed me.

Then, on Aug. 9, 2014, Michael Brown Jr., an unarmed 18-year-old Black man, was killed by a white police officer in Ferguson, Mo. When I found out what had happened, I felt broken. I went to some members of my church to tell them how, as a Black man, this affected me.

These churchgoers were dismissive of my feelings. They felt I was overreacting. They felt racism was a thing of the past. As proof, they offered that there are “so many mixed babies coming into the world.”

I decided I would no longer attend that church.

I had a crisis of faith. I knew racism existed. I felt it in my bones. But I did not have the support I needed in my predominantly white church.

I struggled to understand how there could be racist Christians.

Finally I realized racism had always existed in U.S. churches. I wrestled with the question of how I could be part of what I now perceived to be a racist religion.

I no longer believed the church was a place for me. I even felt Black Christians were misled and did not understand the history of the church.

My church was Southern Baptist. I had built my world around its version of Christian doctrine. And that world was beginning to crumble.

Many who read this might think I was overreacting. But I believe my feelings are familiar to those who have been hurt by the church.

As a pastor, I have heard countless stories from people who have been hurt by the church. Sometimes it is the theology. At times it is what someone in church said. It might be the church’s failure to accept responsibility for its actions or for enabling the actions of another.

Honestly, sometimes church sucks.

Right now in the United States we are paying the price for church trauma, which has affected so many. Church numbers are dwindling. People do not trust the church like they used to.

Because I am a young pastor, people often ask me how to get young people back to church. They think I might have the secret sauce.

Here is an answer I have come up with: Stop messing people up! I know it sounds simple, but it is the truth.

As they say in medicine: First, do no harm.

Churchgoers need to think about how our beliefs and actions affect others. Are we exclusive, accepting only a certain kind of person? Are we shaming people for their identities? Are we condemning the people God loves?

We need to accept people for who they are and realize the damage we inflict when we fail to accept them.

I grew up in a church with racist members, and this was more than just old-school or conservative thinking. They held a theology that made them feel justified in their racist ideas and actions.

How did I recover my faith in the church so much that I became a pastor? I went to a Mennonite college — Bethel in Kansas — where I discovered new ways to think about the church and God. I was introduced to liberation theology. I had the opportunity to read authors not named John Piper (an influential Baptist writer).

I learned about my options. I didn’t have to be Southern Baptist. When I discovered alternatives to my church tradition, I felt a freedom to explore and learn more about God. This is how I came back to the church and found where I belong.

If you have experienced church trauma, I see you. God sees you. You are free to experience God however you feel God is reaching out to you.

If you are seeking a community of faith for healing, I hope you find that place.

If you are a churchgoer, as I am: Let’s try our best to do no harm. Let’s make our churches places of welcome, acceptance and exploration. Places for all the seekers looking for healing.
“Let us therefore no longer pass judgment on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of another” (Romans 14:13).