Ryan Ahlgrim is Pastor at First Mennonite Church in Richmond, Virginia. 

When I was a seminary student, I attended a conference on “Loneliness in the Ministry.” I was so depressed by the stories I heard, I wondered if I really wanted to do this. Nevertheless, I proceeded into pastoral ministry, and thirty-some years later I am still enjoying it, and experiencing physical, mental, and spiritual health.

I am one of the fortunate ones. The fact is, clergy in the United States have higher rates of obesity, hypertension, and depression than the general population. In addition to being more unhealthy and discouraged, pastors suffer from high rates of burnout and forced exits. This, of course, hurts churches as well as pastors. It also undermines the honesty and integrity of the good news we proclaim. So it is crucial that we turn these facts around. We must find ways to make pastoral ministry a long, healthy, and joyous calling.

Based on my own experiences in ministry—as a youth pastor, assistant pastor, church planter, lead pastor, and mentor to seminary students and other pastors—I have identified five practices that I think are essential to being a healthy pastor with a long and fruitful ministry:

Establish friendships. Pastors must have close friends who are readily available. For the sake of confidentiality and freedom of full expression, at least some friendships must be outside the congregation. Other pastors who can understand one’s situation are a natural choice, though a variety of friends from different walks of life is also helpful. One of the first things I have done in each of my pastorates has been to gather together a group of local pastors to form a monthly support group. Half a dozen of us eat lunch together in a quiet and private space, and for about two hours we simply unwind and share what is happening in our lives. No group has been more important to me in my ministry.

But some friendships should be within the congregation as well; after all, these are the people a pastor spends the most time with. To be thoroughly authentic, a pastor should enter the vulnerability of honest give-and-take friendship with at least a few people in the congregation. Obviously such friendships have restrictions: a pastor cannot share confidential information or gripe about other members! A pastor remains a pastor even when among friends in the congregation; nevertheless, deep mutual sharing and vulnerability are possible and valuable.

Prioritize time with family. When I began one of my pastorates, I was so thrilled with the work I was doing I hardly wanted to go home. My wife soon let me know that was not what she wanted! I listened and we came to a mutual agreement: Friday nights, Saturdays and half of Sundays were for her and our children. I also tried to have one other night free each week. Except when I have had a wedding to perform, I have maintained that schedule throughout the years. A happy marriage supports a happy pastorate; an unhappy marriage destroys a pastorate.

Many “PKs” (pastor’s kids) have told me how strongly they resent their parents for not giving them more time and attention. So when my children were growing up, I made a point of putting them (along with my spouse) first. Although I had a lot of evening meetings, my flexible schedule during the day allowed me to put them on the school bus in the morning and to meet them when they got off the bus in the afternoon. Birthdays were sacrosanct time, and I attended most of their sporting events. One’s family is one’s primary congregation.

Enjoy time alone. I am by nature a reflective person, so I don’t mind spending a lot of time by myself. I think this has been a great benefit to my ministry. Since I have some introvert tendencies, time alone recharges my batteries; it also gives me the opportunity to contemplate my ministry: analyze situations I face, understand my mistakes, envision new directions for the church, and think creatively about the sermon.

For pastors who are not used to reflective time alone (or think they don’t have time to do this), I would recommend journaling your feelings and experiences at least weekly, or writing out your daily prayers. Silent prayer is also a valuable discipline. Two years ago I made a commitment to spend the first half hour in my office each morning in silence—eyes closed, mind emptied, just sitting in God’s presence. Over time this has resulted in a deeper level of relaxation and stillness. The busier the schedule I have, the more I need to begin in this unhurried mode.

Let go of any messiah complex. Perhaps the best way for us pastors to stop being overly busy is to stop thinking everyone needs us. Sometimes our sense of being needed is actually our need to be needed—a manifestation of our own insecurity. To rush to everyone’s need, to pursue all who are running away, to believe they require our unique skills, is to create dependent relationships and foster emotional immaturity in the congregation. The best counselors are the ones who work themselves out of a job, enabling others to solve their own problems.

The congregation should not be paying a pastor to do the ministry of the church; rather, the pastor’s role is to equip the congregation to do the ministry. In a sense, pastors need to do as little as possible: sit on as few committees as possible, carry out as few tasks as possible, and delegate whenever possible. It is not the pastor alone who is needed, it is the congregation that is needed; it is not the pastor who saves, it is the community of faith—embodying God’s love and Spirit—that saves.

Disconnect criticism from self-worth. For many, the hardest part of pastoral ministry is receiving criticism. No pastor, no matter how skilled or beloved, is free from being criticized over the long haul of ministry. Some criticism will be based on misinformation, fear, projection, emotional transference or group dynamics; but many criticisms will be partially or fully justified. Either way, the pastor must learn to listen, not react out of anxiety or anger, and respond in caring and constructive ways. This is extremely difficult—requiring a lifetime of learning. But what makes it possible to do this in a healthy (rather than repressed) way, is to cultivate an awareness that one’s value has nothing to do with how well we are pleasing others. Our value is in God’s hands alone—and does not change. As Francis of Assisi wisely said: “Blessed is the servant who esteems himself no better when he is praised and exalted by people than when he is considered worthless, simple, and despicable; for what a person is before God, that he is and nothing more.”

It is not possible to please everyone, nor should that be the pastor’s goal. True, pastors are usually more effective when they have a lot of goodwill in the congregation, and one should cultivate goodwill whenever possible. But a pastor also gently pushes people beyond their comfort zones and sometimes speaks a painful—but needed—word in love. The task of the pastor is to nurture growth, not pleasure.

But even if a pastor carries out these five essential practices—establishing friendships, prioritizing family, enjoying time alone, letting go of a messiah-complex and disconnecting criticism from self-worth—that does not automatically mean the pastor will have a long and joyous ministry. The fact is, pastoral ministry is difficult. It is difficult because it requires competency in so many diverse areas: preaching, teaching, administration, counseling, pastoral care, visioning, evangelism, community networking, cultural awareness, spiritual discipline, biblical knowledge and theological knowledge. (It is also helpful if the pastor can read legal documents and fix the furnace.)

Perhaps the real problem with pastoral ministry is that congregations and denominations are placing too many expectations on one position. Some pastors do not mind this diversity—it is what makes pastoral ministry exciting, challenging, and creative. But it is also unrealistic in its scope of expected competencies.
For congregations that are served by one pastor, the pastor will probably have to preach at least some of the time, have some administrative sense, have some vision, be a good biblical theologian, and be an effective pastoral presence in times of personal and congregational crisis. These, I think, are the minimal competencies for a solo pastor. Does the pastor need to teach, do counseling, make home visits, evangelize, network in the community, be the primary administrator, or preach weekly? I think not. As much as possible, the congregation may share in these tasks. Research indicates that strong lay leadership is one of the keys to a thriving congregation.

I wonder if it would also make sense if one-third of seminary faculties were composed of current or former pastors with at least seven years of successful ministry experience. (Maximum effectiveness in a congregation generally does not happen before the seventh year of a pastorate. I think those with less experience than this may not understand pastoral ministry with sufficient depth.) How are seminaries supposed to effectively train people for a role that the teachers have never performed?

Despite the many challenges of being a pastor, it is the most creative and meaningful work I can imagine. If we can hold our roles more lightly, taking ourselves less seriously and more playfully, trusting in God for the outcomes, I think pastors will have longer and more joyous ministries.