Having enjoyed Troy Watson’s columns in Canadian Mennonite, I looked forward to this book. It did not disappoint. A Mennonite pastor, Watson has a knack for using vignettes from his experience to illustrate his points. He begins by describing a hiking trip with an inaccurate map to draw the lesson that “our lives don’t unfold the way we think they will” and that we need to “update the maps we use to navigate our lives.”
Get a Hold of Yourself is one such map. Watson sets out to guide us in becoming our authentic self, which he describes as “the union of your conscious ‘self’ and the image of God within you.”
To follow Jesus’ teachings, we need to identify as our authentic self in Christ, Watson writes: “A transformed life is the result of a transformed sense of self, because our behavior is informed by our identity.”
Watson lists some of Jesus’ paradoxical teachings and notes that by following them “we gain access to a different way of seeing, thinking and being, which enables us to grow and live with freedom, joy, purpose and abundance.”
One of the chapters I found most helpful is “Expectations.” Watson writes, “The paradoxical dynamic of faith helps us stop expecting our expectations lead us to fulfillment and trust God to fulfill us.”
We must learn to expect the unexpected, which replaces a need for certainty with the gift of curiosity. Things do not always turn out as we wish, and at some point we can only accept reality for what it is.
“When our mental and emotional states are no longer dependent on the fulfillment of our expectations,” he writes, “we’re liberated to find peace, joy and hope, no matter what’s happening.”
Paradoxically, to get a hold of yourself you must let go of yourself. In Jesus’ teaching, “our fear of death, our resistance to death, hinders us from truly living.”
Watson, however, makes the common mistake of treating the cross as a metaphor. When Jesus said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me,” that meant one thing to his hearers: Be willing to be crucified as an enemy of the empire. This is what crucifixion meant.
Nevertheless, the point remains that in our context Jesus calls us to let go of our belief that “anything besides living in the Divine Reality, as our authentic self, will bring us true and sustainable peace, joy and contentment.”
Long ago, Thomas Merton outlined the distinction between one’s false self — the self we project to others, the self we cling to in order to feel OK — and one’s true self, which Watson calls our authentic self, the person made in the image of God and alive in Christ.
Living as that authentic self is no small task. It means following Jesus’ example of kenosis, or self-emptying, as described in Philippians 2:7. But it’s not a one-off. “Continually letting go of everything I attach myself to, remembering who I am,” Watson writes, “is an eternal unfolding mystery.”
self-emptying requires a self to be emptied. In a chapter called “Snakes,” Watson expands on Jesus’ command to be wise as serpents. He writes, “We must develop a clear, healthy and inde-
pendent sense of self before we can ef-
fectively die to self.” He calls this “serpent wisdom” — adapting to reality in-
stead of expecting reality to adapt to us.
Watson argues against docility and for self-confidence, which breeds integrity. Self-confidence doesn’t mean thinking we’re better (or worse) than others. It means being willing to take risks and fail, because our self-worth doesn’t depend on success.
Watson goes on to refer to Jesus’ call to be “pure as doves.” Being dove-like involves 1) becoming aware that we are not what we think we are, and 2) becoming one in Christ. Our ego mind looks for two things: “evidence that supports what we already believe” and “problems and potential snakebites.” But when we’re grounded in our essential self, “we see there’s always enough in the present moment.” The past doesn’t matter.
Religion can hinder living as the essential self, Watson writes: “Ego mind loves to identify with anything that makes us feel separate, right, special or better than others” — a feeling that religion is well-equipped to provide.
Watson combines how-to steps with acknowledging that we live by God’s grace. He concludes: “When we experience this reality, we’re no longer focused on ourselves. All the energy directed inward to change, fix, heal and improve ourselves is invested outward into the world — to bless, serve, support and love others.”
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