Imagine standing in complete darkness, unsure of where to step. Then someone lights a candle. That small flame brings light, comfort and hope. For me, Compassionate Care, a program for couples that is an outgrowth of Mennonite Church USA’s Sister Care, has been that light, revealing the love of Jesus Christ in powerful and life-changing ways.

Growing up as a Hmong man, I learned that men carry many responsibilities, especially toward extended family. The older generation taught us to that respect comes from being tough and holding authority. After marriage, men were expected to lead and oversee, while women were taught to work hard and avoid bringing shame to the family.

Over time, pride often took root in men’s hearts. I do not believe all Hmong families live this way, but these teachings shaped how many of us understood marriage and love.

While leading Compassionate Care seminars in Asia, people often ask me, “What is love between a married couple?” My answer is simple: love is not just about intimacy, children, food or shelter. True love is about understanding, respect and honoring one another.

During our first Compassionate Care seminar [co-led with Jonah’s wife, Memee Yang], more than sixty people from different villages attended. As we studied scripture – especially Genesis 2:18-25 and Galatians 3:28 – I saw hearts begin to soften.

Many men realized that love is not control or authority, but partnership. They came to understand that all people are created in God’s image and are equal in Christ’s love. Some men openly confessed to their wives that they had misunderstood love, and they apologized. Witnessing reconciliation and healing in those moments was deeply moving.

One man shared how the seminar led him back to God. He committed himself to loving his wife with greater understanding, respect and honor. Another many confessed that he had once been a church leader who rejected weddings if couples had dated before marriage, even stopping ministers from performing ceremonies.

Through Compassionate Care, the man realized that pride and authority did not make righteous – only God’s grace could. He shared that without Jesus’ love, he would have lived in despair. Instead he experienced forgiveness, confessed his sins and chose a new path. His life changed, and he now understands love not as control, but as something to cultivate, nurture and protect.

Later while conducting a Compassionate Care seminar in Laos, participants shared powerful testimonies. One woman said it was like a well where she could finally drink after being thirsty for a long time. Another compared it to a cancer treatment center – a place that helped her prevent emotional and spiritual pain from destroying her life. One man described it as a detox center, where he could restart his marriage with a clean heart.

Through Compassionate Care, I have seen lives transformed. Men and women are learning to love their spouses differently – through respect, honor and welcoming women’s voices in decision-making. I have learned that Compassionate Care is not about changing others; it is about allowing God to change me. As I continue to follow Christ daily, my prayer is to live a godly life and share his love with others wherever I go.

This article first appeared in the Spring 2026 issue of Scattered Seeds, a publication of Central Plains Mennonite Conference. Used with permission.