Did Jesus have a wife? There’s no real evidence, but some still wonder. The Bible says he had brothers. What were those relationships like?

These are questions certain theologians, historians, pastors and laypeople love to debate or consider. People want to know what relationship Jesus had to family.

In a family-first society, where community usually takes second place, people likely want to see their own choices reflected in Jesus.

Christmas brings this focus on family into the spotlight. The image of Mary, Joseph and a baby is one of the few times Jesus can represent the “ideal” family unit.

The image is embraced widely and heartily in Christmas cards, songs, prayers and TV specials.

But when Jesus is grown and actually talks about family, he frames it a bit differently. “My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it,” he tells a crowd in Luke. He says anyone who would be his disciple needs to hate their family by comparison.

This can be unsettling for those who love their families and would do anything for them. But family shouldn’t be disregarded; it should be broadened. Family is not extractable from the Bible story.

“God sent his only begotten son,” says the oft-quoted verse from John. The Son of Man, by definition, has a relationship to family, though a complex one. His father is God. At the same time, he is God made manifest in the flesh. It’s complicated.

We can relate to that. Lots of people have complicated relationships with their family. Christmas can bring those out.

For some, returning home, or having everyone home at the same time for Christmas, may be a reminder of old hurts. Lost loved ones are especially missed. Or the time comes with such high expectations the reality is disappointing. Sometimes, no matter how much a family loves each other, those few days a year together are so packed with effort to create good memories that a crash is inevitable afterward.

Seasonal Affective Disorder begins with the holiday season as daylight hours shorten, and the media publish ways to combat the winter blues.

Christmas makes people face what they long for but don’t have. Family may be one of those things. But Jesus said all those who hear the word of God and do it have family.

Focusing first on what we have — a shared commitment to Jesus — connects Christians beyond any other definition of family. The holidays also give those who have blood families an opportunity to include “mothers” and “brothers” who don’t. May these concentrated times with one another be a reminder that as faith communities, we move forward together.