An eighth-grade education, Amish faith, and farm chores don’t usually lead to urban ministry, a Ph.D. in spirituality and expertise as a church conflict mediator, but Marcus Smucker is far from what one expects. In fact, even he is surprised at where his life has led.

Now retired and living at Landis Homes in Lititz, Pa., he has come full circle in some ways, having just moved from his family farm in Bird-in-Hand, Pa., where he first lived as a child with three older brothers and three younger sisters.

His father, a farmer, left the Amish church just before Smucker’s birth, but his mother remained Amish, creating tension in the household and within the broader family.

Perhaps Smucker was destined to study family systems and relationships and use that knowledge as a church consultant, though he never imagined his childhood years as helpful at the time.

Uninterested in farming and the youngest of the boys, Smucker had hand-me-down clothes and hand-me-down chores, which did not increase his love of farm life. When his father died at age 45, Smucker was just 12.

After completing eighth grade, he wanted to attend Lancaster (Pa.) Mennonite High School. However, his mother urged him to stay home, saying she needed him on the farm. But his desire for more education never left him.

Sadly, death was not something new to Smucker, even at age 12. He had already experienced the death of his maternal grandmother, who lived with his family six years prior to her death. Losing two significant people by age 12 left its mark. It sensitized Smucker to suffering, loss and death, making a powerful impact on his long career in pastoral care and counseling.

Smucker suffered intense anxiety and fear as a teenager, for reasons that he never fully understood. He struggled with sleeplessness and confusion as he grappled with feeling uncomfortable with the world around him. Although he was baptized at age 15 in a Beachy Amish church, he didn’t feel much different or experience any sense of comfort from the baptism. Three years later, he joined Maple Grove Mennonite Church in Atglen, Pa.

At age 18, the transformation from Amish to urban began. He had no idea what to expect when he left the farm to spend nine months in voluntary service (VS) in Hannibal, Mo. His life changed. Hannibal may not be considered urban, but for this Amish farm boy, the chance to get off the farm felt like a whole new world.

After VS, Smucker returned to the family farm, and in 1953, at age 21, he was drafted. As a conscientious objector, he had the option of returning to Hannibal to work in a hospital or going to Germany to work with PAX.

“There was always an adventuresomeness in me that I didn’t recognize for some time,” he says.

While his time in Hannibal was enjoyable and affirming, he chose to go to Backnang, Germany, to build houses for refugees. Eventually he was asked to served as the unit leader.

“It was different for me that anyone would ask me to be a leader,” says Smucker. “[Before PAX] I had never recognized that in me. Becoming a leader in Germany really blindsided me and opened me up to seeing something in myself.”

Because of his knowledge of Pennsylvania Dutch, Smucker easily learned the German language and developed a strong, lifelong interest in the Russian Mennonite refugee experience. Partway through his two years in PAX, he moved to Berlin to serve as an interim leader at Mennoheim, a temporary home for Mennonite refugees.

Returning to the United States in 1955, Smucker knew he didn’t want to be on the farm, so he earned his GED and enrolled at Eastern Mennonite College in Harrisonburg, Va. Never having had math or science beyond an eighth-grade level, he says, “[college] almost did me in.”

His lack of educational preparation made college difficult at times, but fortunately, he excelled in the social sciences, and he stayed in school. He took a few semesters off to help with a family business when his brother died unexpectedly at age 31. Smucker graduated from EMC in 1960 with a degree in Bible and history.

Smucker taught history for a year at Belleville (Pa.) Mennonite High School, then went to seminary.

“I wanted to attend a non-Mennonite school,” he says, so he studied at New York Theological Seminary from 1960 to 1963. It was in New York City that he met a Mennonite woman, Dottie Wenger, from Newport News, Va., who also moved to New York for some adventure. Dottie and her love was a new experience for Smucker.

“During my teen and young adult years, I wasn’t able to have strong friendships. There weren’t any deep connections. Dottie was my first experience of being loved and accepted and wanted. I know that my mother loved me, but I didn’t feel it. I felt like I was put up with. Dottie was my first experience of someone saying to me, ‘I like you. I love you. I want to be with you.’ Being valued and enjoyed for who you are is a profound thing. I have often struggled with the question, Am I valued for what I do or because of who I am? It has been an undertone in my life.”

The couple met in 1960 and married later that year, and their son Greg was born just over a year later. Even at age 29, Smucker admits he probably wasn’t ready for marriage because “I had so much unfinished business. We had to work at growing together in our marriage. We had many struggles, but when I go to bed each night, I thank God for Dottie.” Receiving and accepting Dottie’s love also helped Smucker understand God’s unconditional love for him.

After seminary, Smucker and his new family moved to Portland, Ore., where he became pastor of Portland Mennonite Church.

“Portland was where I found myself in a new way,” he says. Feeling respected as a pastor, he continued studying counseling and developed a significant counseling ministry in the church. It was during a sabbatical, studying for a Th.M. degree in pastoral counseling, that Smucker realized how much anger he had brewing within him. “I could have gone a totally different direction had I not sought counseling for myself.”

Early in his time with the congregation, he came to understand the power he possessed as a pastor. One day, a church lay leader asked, “Are you aware there are people in the church who are afraid to talk with you if they disagree with you?” Smucker was shocked.

For the first time in his life, he had to really think about power. “As a middle child growing up, I never had authority, but now I had to realize I did. I was emotional, educated, relational, male and articulate. I wanted to learn how to live with power so that I empowered people rather than lording it over others. One of the most important lessons I had to learn was how to live powerfully with both strength and vulnerability.”

Using power effectively has been a lifelong goal of Smucker’s and led him to study conflict mediation.

“When I realized I had power, I had to learn to feel comfortable using it … and also know when not to use it. There is very little I will run from,” he says. “I will stand up to it, and I can be quite intentionally powerful at points, but I always try to do it with respect so that the person does not feel overpowered.”

As a result of his reflections, Smucker began to embrace conflict. “I had to learn not to be afraid of conflict. Conflict is always an invitation to something new, it doesn’t always get there, but it’s an invitation.”

While attending Union Theological Seminary in Richmond, Va., to pursue further studies in pastoral counseling, he met Dr. William Ogelsby.

“I owe a lot of who I have become to one of my professors, Dr. Ogelsby. He was the one who recognized that I was full of rage, and he was not afraid of it. With Dr. Ogelsby, I felt respected, but I knew he also saw me clearly.”

Smucker’s studies in conflict mediation and family systems opened up new relationships for him with his family of origin.

However, at age 42, Smucker found himself burned out. For months, it was hard to preach, hard to pray and thus hard to do his job. Portland Mennonite gave him time off for renewal. Among other things he went to a cabin alone for a few days in Mount Hood Forest.

“I met God there in a way that was both reassuring and disturbing. I realized that in order to continue to be open to God, I also had to continue to keep facing myself and keep becoming self-aware. From then on, it was more about opening myself to God rather than just searching out God. It has been a tremendous relief. It was then that I began to study and experience God through contemplative prayer and spirituality. I became increasingly aware of how God had been working in my life through all these years. Romans 8:28 took on new meaning for me.”

Smucker took his newfound interest back to Portland Mennonite Church. In the late 1960s, he began to co-teach with a young lay leader, Marlene Kropf, in the area of Christian spirituality. While Smucker reflects on this time of collaboration with Kropf as one of the most powerful things he has done, Kropf acknowledges the profound influence Smucker had on her and the broader church.

“I believe Marcus’ greatest contribution to the church, beyond mentoring hundreds of leaders, was his passionate commitment to integrate early Anabaptist spiritual understandings with contemplative spiritual practices. He forged a path of spiritual integrity for many who longed for a more vital experience of God’s presence—not only in prayer but in lives of justice and ser­vice,” says Kropf.

While pastoring at Portland Mennonite Church, Smucker served on the Anabaptist Mennonite Biblical Seminary board, and Marlin Miller, AMBS president, invited Smucker to share his work in spirituality at AMBS.

The Smucker family (now including daughter Deb) moved to Elkhart, Ind., in 1979, and Smucker began Ph.D. work in religious and psychological studies at The Union Institute and began teaching part-time at AMBS in 1982. With Marlene Kropf and others, Smucker pioneered a degree program in Christian formation and spiritual direction at AMBS.

In 1998, Marcus and Dottie decided it was time to leave Elkhart. While Marcus never had any intention of moving back to Lancaster County, that was where they ended up.

“When we moved back to Pennsylvania at age 67, I remember saying, What in the world will I do with the rest of my life?” Soon after their return, Smucker was asked to help develop spirituality in a Lancaster Conference leadership program.

Since moving to Lancaster County for “retirement,” Smucker has taught courses for Eastern Mennonite Seminary Lancaster campus, Kairos School of Spiritual Formation and led mediation and consulting in congregations.

In his retirement years, Smucker has made family relationships a priority. Being a grandfather has been a profound experience for him. Through his experience of love and enjoyment of his grandchildren he came to new levels of awareness of God’s love for him. “Even as I enjoy them and love them unconditionally, so God also loves me.”

In his older years, teaching and providing spiritual direction have become the capstone of Smucker’s life. “Being able to continue to share what I have learned and to learn about God, myself, ministry and life has been profound. It has offered me the opportunity to see life and the church through the eyes of younger generations.”

Serving congregations and pastors has been Smucker’s life vocation. Sometimes when the church seems to struggle for vitality and is caught up in so much disagreement and conflict, he can feel disappointment.

“Nevertheless,” he says, “I believe the church has been created to be one expression of God in the world and that God is willing to work with our mess. God became incarnate in the world to keep breaking through and working with us in all our messes. God is willing to work with a mess.”

As he looks back on his life, Smucker reflects on his legacy as pastor, teacher and spiritual director.

“I feel grateful for my life and the opportunities I’ve had,” he says. “As for a legacy, I suppose it’s that I have sought to be faithful to God in ministry and to speak the truth with God, myself and others.”