It’s crazy how in a season of anticipation and excitement, grief can still creep up. Our family is in a season of change. Well, season is a stretch: or many reasons, we thought our return to the U.S. in summer 2022 would be for just a few months and, for many other reasons, that didn’t happen. 

Now, many years later, we’re finally ready to launch into a new missional endeavor in Glasgow, Scotland, and while I’m not lackluster about our calling, I find myself in little moments of mourning. Saying hello to this new worthwhile adventure means saying goodbye to many others. Some weeks, it feels like I’m attending a “daily funeral” in saying farewell to a friend or transitioning a ministry responsibility to the next dutiful servant. 

Here are five things Jesus is teaching me in this season of grief (and anticipation).

1. Seek comfort | Jesus extended comfort to those in mourning.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus proclaims: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4). This demonstrates that mourning is not a lack of faith, but something that God meets with comfort.

Jesus doesn’t expect mourners to hurry up, nor does he tell us that sadness is evidence that we have misunderstood God’s plan. He doesn’t suggest that faithful people should be perpetually cheerful because they know God is in control. Instead, Jesus calls mourners blessed . . . and this has been surprisingly freeing for me. I can be thankful for what God is doing in Glasgow while still mourning what I am leaving behind in my Phoenix community.

2. Weep if you need to | Jesus was present with the feelings of the moment.

When his friend Lazarus died, Jesus knew he was about to raise him from the dead, and yet he still wept with Mary, Martha, and the crowd (John 11). His tears show that knowing the end of the story (Lazarus’ resurrection) doesn’t mean we can’t feel deep pain in the present. John 11:35 is one of the shortest verses in Scripture, but perhaps one of the most liberating: “Jesus wept,” and we can, too.

I can believe God is leading us toward something beautiful in Scotland and still tear up when I say goodbye to someone I love. I can trust God’s provision and still feel the ache of leaving. Sometimes we treat hope and despair as opposites, but Jesus shows us they can coexist.

3. Sorrow is valid | Jesus modeled that it’s OK to not be OK.

Isaiah 53:3 describes the coming Christ as a “man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (NKJV). Jesus personally understands human suffering and rejection. We sometimes emphasize the victorious Jesus: the teacher, healer, miracle worker and risen Christ.

But Jesus is also acquainted with disappointment, rejection, loneliness, betrayal and loss. He knows what it means to love people and experience their absence, to leave familiar places and to have people misunderstand his calling. 

That matters because sometimes Christians can unintentionally make grief more difficult. We tend to rush toward Romans 8:28 (“We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose”) and respond to uncertainty with certainty before sitting with someone’s pain.

We can offer platitudes like, “God has something better,” when what a person may need first is simply, “I know. This hurts.”

4. Support is encouraged | Jesus encouraged a network of care.

While hanging on the cross, Jesus made sure his mother Mary was cared for by his disciple John (John 19:26-27), demonstrating that we need to support and lean on one another through grief. I am learning that receiving care is itself an act of humility.

As faith workers, we often talk about ministry as something we do for others. But there are seasons when discipleship means allowing others to minister to us. To quote Menno Simons, “Seeing then that they are one . . .  it is Christian and reasonable that they also have divine love among them and that one member cares for another, for both the Scriptures and nature teach this.”

5. Compassion is caring | Jesus moved with compassion, and we can too.

When Jesus learned that John the Baptist had died, “He withdrew from there in a boat to a deserted place by himself.” (Matthew 14:13). Jesus sought privacy to grieve, but a crowd of people followed him. As they interrupted his mourning, Jesus was not angry but was moved with compassion toward them (Matthew 14:14).

We all need the freedom to mourn in individual ways, but well-meaning friends and family might occasionally say or do unhelpful things. When this happens, we can follow Christ’s example and react with compassion. Distancing ourselves from anger and offense can bless our already broken hearts.

A concluding prayer

Mighty Creator, we are all in different stages of beginning and ending. Please carry us through both times of celebration and anticipation, as well as times of grief and goodbye. May your arms bring us comfort and lighten loads that feel heavy, allowing us to feel a rejuvenation of body and spirit for the things to come. And when we need just a bit more support, please surround us with our faith family, embracing and uplifting, however clumsy it may be. Amen.