It’s time to think about Thanksgiving. I love the variety of food. I love reconnecting with family. But I actually feel really uncomfortable with public gratitude practices. I don’t have a great intuitive sense of what it’s for, or what it means to say the right thing. I have a lot of anxiety about doing it wrong. When we publicly put each other on the spot to say something we are grateful for, are there wrong answers?

If I say I’m grateful for something that was a product of chance, am I bragging about my fortune? Does it support community or break community to announce that I’m grateful for a new house when I know my cousins can’t gather the cash for a down payment? If I am thankful for an abundance of God’s grace, am I using this exercise to reestablish my piety? And if I freeze at the question, am I just an ingrate?

As a kid, I always knew there were rich people. I was aware some families had the means to buy the expensive toys I wanted. What I had to learn was that some families are poor. I played with friends who couldn’t enjoy the things I enjoyed. Their parents worked hard. My parents worked hard. But I got to enjoy things that they didn’t. I remember realizing that a lot of arbitrary factors go into who gets to enjoy material comfort in this life. To accept this fact is to be called into receiving all material situations with humility. Is it gratitude to accept material circumstances with humility?

The Thanksgiving table is a time when many share what they’re thankful for. Answers could range from being excited to be together again to celebrating a recent success. When we all express what we are thankful for, we make a disclosure. It might become really clear that we’re not in the same boat as our loved ones. And that doesn’t feel awesome on either end. Should we moderate our answers to avoid that possibility? If we moderate our answers, are we still being honest?

But this feels like I’m asking about a lot of “shoulds.” Are we obligated to be considerate of how our answers might sound to others? Are we obligated to radically list every blessing we received? Are we obligated to be thankful to the people who help bring joy to our lives? Are we obligated to be thankful? When a blessing comes with an obligation, that feels like it’s really just a way to become indebted to someone. When activities come with “shoulds,” to whom do we owe those “shoulds”? And at that point are we being thankful, or are we being indebted?

It’s important to be mindful of how our choices and words impact others. With a heritage and faith that is concerned about modesty, it’s important that we have humility in all of our material circumstances. And I don’t think obligating people into expressing thankfulness is actually thankfulness. Obligations create indebtedness; a requirement to be thankful stops the possibility for thankfulness to flow organically.

So, I have lots of notes, but do I have any suggestions? Yes! I think thankfulness has a great place as a creative exercise by taking a moment to note and admire the abundance — or even just sufficiency —around us.

I suggest thankfulness as the opposite skill of diagnosis. When we become more skilled at diagnosing problems than we are at being thankful, we see more problems than solutions. This isn’t what we’re for. In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus asks us to consider the lilies of the field. They are not stressed out, but still radiant. I like to think that this wasn’t just an illustration for his point, but an assignment — an assignment to which we can keep coming back when we become stressed, too willing to see problems without seeing solutions. Identify the abundance around us.

I find this activity delightful and invigorating, especially in light of the ways I have felt let down, stressed out and confused by many gratitude practices. To see abundance reorients our attention to abundance. To tell our loved ones about the abundance we see can remind them that it’s still there. I’ve been on both ends of borrowing someone’s perspective and lending perspective. I recommend this activity for an opening to the Thanksgiving meal, to share hope and light with a friend, and as a personal practice.

There is enough

Step 1: Identify something for which there is enough.

Step 2: (optional) For what is there enough of it?

Step 3:  Take turns until the mashed potatoes are cool enough to eat.

Examples:

• There are enough people of good will
• There are enough new people to meet that I could spend my life learning new things
• There are enough hours in the day for me to find time to breathe
• There is enough time when you get home from school for me to make sure you know I love you
• There are enough hours of my favorite podcast for me to keep my patience during my commute