Recently, our bishop called a “family meeting,” asking church members to give their ideas on a doctrinal issue we faced. He emphasized that women should share their thoughts, and I appreciated his thoughtfulness in doing so. 

In our church’s Sunday morning sharing time, open to all, women share testimonies, but less frequently than men. In conservative Anabaptist practice, men are more accustomed to speaking publicly and also are given the responsibility of spiritual leadership. 

Women understand their role to be one of support and nurturing and are often reluctant to speak in public, even when invited to do so. 

At our meeting, many single women spoke, but only one or two married women did. That is because our tradition encourages husband and wife to come to agreement on issues and present a united public front, with the husband as spokesperson. 

However, Ivan and I had not come to agreement on this issue, and I did not feel comfortable voicing my thoughts when they ran counter to his. He also remained silent. 

Later I asked Ivan how other couples come to such perfect agreement when so often we end up on opposite sides, or at least with nuances of difference. He said, with no hint of sarcasm or condescension, that maybe other people were less opinionated than I. 

He might be right. I did not think I was opinionated before I married, but I’ve learned that I just kept my opinions under the radar whenever I came into contact with someone who differed. That doesn’t work well in a marriage, where each partner is called on to give their whole self. Ivan prefers a straightforward opinion to beating around the bush, and I have learned to be more open with mine. 

I have heard single Anabaptist women say they don’t have a voice in their churches, since they are not invited to contribute to doctrinal discussions and have no husbands to speak for them. 

However, since my recent meeting experience, I have wondered if a married woman not in agreement with her husband has even less voice than a single woman. 

Most men, however, are influenced by their wives. 

I once gave a talk in a Presbyterian church, and in the Q&A time someone asked if Mennonite men make all the decisions in churches like mine. “That’s what we tell people, anyway,” I answered, and everyone laughed. 

What avenue do women have to teach in conservative Anabaptist settings? They can teach other women in Sunday school or Bible studies. They can teach children. 

This is not a small role. Timothy learned his faith from his mother and grandmother (1 Timothy 1:5 and 3:14-15). Even without the spiritual leadership of his father, the spiritual guidance he received from the ­women in his life was strong and sound. 

Writing is another wide-open avenue. And the internet — for those who have it — has given women writers a platform for speaking without the control of conservative Anabaptist gatekeepers. On their blogs, conservative Anabaptist women are free to discuss every issue from child raising to biblical doctrine to politics. 

Other women have garnered huge followings on their vlogs or social media accounts. Mainstream Americans are more interested in hearing from a conservative Anabaptist woman, with her distinctive dress and head discreetly covered, than from an Anabaptist man. 

Men and women are called to live in submission, being “subject to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). 

My mom modeled submission by letting my dad lead and frequently giving her opinion up to his. But my dad also modeled submission. On a ministerial team, he often found himself in disagreement with the methods and convictions of the older ministers. But he kept many of his thoughts to himself and explained to us children that God calls us to submit to our authorities, even when we don’t agree. 

When godly men teach submission to both women and men and practice it themselves, the church looks more like what Jesus modeled and less like the world’s career ladders and authority pyramids.